Grief is living with the fullness of what it means to exist. Grief is the truth: everything will be swept away. But grief is not the only truth, and in its darkness, the little lights of an everyday life begin to shine.

In recent years, increasing awareness of the struggles and graces of grief has revealed important options for healing. The support of community, the practice of writing, psychotherapy, bereavement groups, time spent alone, patience with ourselves, and sharing our experiences with others can all help to alleviate some of the weight of bearing loss.

Another important suggestion for coping with grief has been the practice of mindfulness. While the practice is ancient, and is often noted to have its roots in such Eastern spiritual traditions as Hinduism and Buddhism, many religious and spiritual traditions recommend methods of noticing, harnessing and deepening our attention.

Recent research notes that some benefits associated with the practice include better emotional coping strategies, better memory, better focus, a lessening of depression, and a stronger immune system.

But, as author Megan Devine notes, there are a number of misunderstandings about what mindfulness means. Often, the take-home message seems to be that if you would only breathe and relax, you would see that everything is perfect just as it is. But while Devine notes that “there are times — like in grief — when that message is un-useful at best and offensive at worst.” When facing loss, “that kind of talk is a smack in the face to someone in deep pain.”

A better understanding of mindfulness can help to clarify its usefulness in the journey of grief. Greater Good Magazine, published by the Berkeley center of the University of California, defines mindfulness as “maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens.” It involves “acceptance, meaning that we pay attention to our thoughts and feelings without judging them—without believing, for instance, that there’s a right or wrong way to think or feel in a given moment.” (https://www.greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/mindfulness))

According to Megan Devine, “Mindfulness is meant to help you acknowledge the truth of the moment you’re in, even, or especially, when that moment hurts…..Acknowledgment of the truth is a relief, and it heals.”

In spiritual wisdom traditions, mindfulness was originally meant to be a gateway into interior stillness and exterior non-reactivity. It was a movement toward depth, wherein we could meet the unnameable Mystery that underlies all of life, and enter into the joys and sorrows and meanings of love.

Theologian and author Beverly Lanzetta notes that “Mindfulness is, in the end, a high state of mystical awareness, a sensitive attunement to the gentle mercy and glorious gift of being. It is the inner discipline applied to daily life events, which moves the soul closer to the abundant, exuberant, silent, glorious freedom of being fully alive.” (beverlylanzetta.net)

In the wrenching and confusing journey of loss, we might not consider the pain of grief, or a heightened awareness of suffering, to be much of a gift. But I found that, as hard as the experience of grief was, it also led me to a place I might not have gone without its prompting.

There comes a point in the journey of loss where the raw and wrenching conjunction of grief and joy and remembering and breaking open become one holy “soup” – the messy mysterious soup of daily life.

We are drinking it up, with every breath.