When my aunt died at 102, I was fortunate to have known her for all my years. Throughout my life, she taught me many things – some by “instruction,” since she loved to teach, but other things I learned just by watching and interacting with her. Especially in her later years when her activities grew more limited, Min became my model for how to live thoroughly and gracefully even when the end is in sight.

My aunt was a lesson in savoring the moment – with humor, and laughter, and joy. I have so many photos of her laughing out loud, broken up with the irony or humor of a moment. “The quintessential Min,” one cousin called a photo of my aunt collapsed with laughter at a family gathering.

As her capacities diminished, Min adjusted her expectations. She couldn’t walk all around town – but she could still trek down to the little cafe a block away. She eventually stopped driving (at 98!) because, as she said, “I know what I need to do, but my legs are a little slow!” But she still kept in touch with family and friends by phone. She had a regular schedule for calling everyone on her list.

She taught me about letting go (holding on doesn’t really work anyway!) – about humility (no one’s perfect, and a pedestal is pretty shaky ground!) – and about suffering and how it shapes us (pain makes us what we are)

She learned about letting go, and that love is the only thing that matters in the long run. She talked about life and meaning and the Mystery and our place in it. She talked about the state of the world, and about taking pleasure in the simple joys of a life. She talked about common sense (it’s essential!) – and change (get used to it!) – and friendship (a necessary gift) – and how we see the past (savor the best, get rid of the rest!). She taught me about forgiveness (why not?), and about speaking the truth (even when it’s scary), and about family (they’re your people, after all!).

Sometimes, what my aunt learned came at a price. As resilient and spirited as my she was, she wrestled with quite a few challenges through the years. But she continued to learn, to be engaged, and to love life until the end. As I head further into my own older years, I’m sure my “interior Min map” will guide me through both the joyful and the challenging times.